dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
