My sheets look like a crime scene.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
