guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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