So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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