I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
that's an acceptable place to lick
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
