I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
