im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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