Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
