That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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