I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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