Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
