I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
