Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
