Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
