He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
