Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
