please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
