clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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