If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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