somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
