Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
