Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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