For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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