Pants 0. Shit 1.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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