Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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