Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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