1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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