There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My ass is underappreciated
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
