Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
