Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
