Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
