Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
