It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I want to have your abortion
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
