Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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