hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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