we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
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I need you to use more vowels.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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