I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
