There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
