that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
