your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
