Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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