You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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