omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
