You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
