The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
