my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
