i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
