Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
