I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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