Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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